


Struggle

by Gingeralecans



Category: Osomatsu san, Osomatsu-san, おそ松さん | Osomatsu-san (Anime)
Genre: Depression, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-27 20:29:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6299224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gingeralecans/pseuds/Gingeralecans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karamatsu Matsuno. Second son out of six and self proclaimed fashion expert. Self proclaimed cool guy, but inside, something is happening with him. Something no one expected. . .</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for a long time and have multiple chapters already finished and waiting to be posted. If it does well I will continue to put out chapters. Thank you for you're time and I hope you all enjoy.

It had happened so fast. Before he knew it Karamatsu was there and then in the matter of another breath, gone. He'd been walking home from serving up Oden. The bridge happened to be on his way. It was a rather tall bridge and he'd heard rumors of people using it for certain uses. 

Life threatening uses. He just didn't imagine Karamatsu would turn to using it in that way himself. He'd come across Karamatsu on his way, the other standing on the very edge of the bridges ledge. There, left behind on the ground, were his shoes, phone and shades, resting on top of what looked like a notebook. Chibita called out to him but only managed half of his name before he watched him open his arms and silently fall. Everything went quiet. A quiet that painfully chilled the atmosphere. 

Time felt as if it stood still until a loud splash was heard beneath the bridge. Chibita stood with horror in his eyes, just as frozen as time. Did that really just happen? He continued to ask and ask before he finally came to his senses. Quickly he pulled his phone and called 119. 

As he waited for them he wasted no time keeping an eye out for Karamatsu. He checked the banks, hoping that maybe he'd wash up onto the shores. Unfortunately that hadn't been the case. He'd call out his name frequently but no answer. Finally the paramedics came onto the scene and an emergency boat began it's search. 

It took like what seemed forever until they found him. It was a sight no one would want to see. Your friends body, bobbing almost lifelessly atop the water as it's dragged from the cold wet. He was thankful to the team that pulled him out and thankful for them being informative as well. He was alive. Thank goodness the idjit was alive. 

But they had to work fast if they wanted to keep him alive. They were quick to secure him into the back of the ambulance, as well as gather the things that had been left behind. Though they were a bit hesitant to do so they allowed Chibita to ride along with them. It was difficult for sure and the entire time half of him thought, where were those useless brothers of Karamatsu's?! The other half was focused on Karamatsu and if he'd be okay. . .

He'd watch in silence and at times, panic, as the paramedics did their best to keep Karamatsu from lingering on from this world. They tore away his dampened clothes, keeping him warm and secure. They were careful with his body, just in case there were broken bones. Karamatsu seemed to fade every now and then, making Chibita panic. The medics thankfully kept him with them though. 

It took what felt like forever to get to the hospital but when they were finally there Karamatsu was wheeled off on a stretcher instantly, taken back to better be examined and cared for. Chibitas was left in the waiting room, his face pale and worry settled in his heart. He'd bonded with this one of all of the Matsuno brothers. He knew him well. They took walks and talked together, ate together sometimes. They'd even drink together. He would like to say he was as friendly with Karamatsu as he was with Iyami. 

Through out their time together though he'd not expected this, of all things. Karamatsu was a strong individual. Even after all the things he'd been through, he still held that painful grin and bared with what life threw at him, or so Chibita thought. He knew things were bad sometimes but Karamatsu never voiced wanting to go this far. Then again. . .who did? People who really wanted to follow this path would never reveal that to anyone, would they?

They'd hide it best they could until it was done. He supposed that realization scared him the most. If he hadn't found Karamatsu at that moment. . .He hardly wanted to think of the out come. Hours passed. Chibita stayed and waited as little by little he was given information on Karamatsu's status. 

"He's suffered a broken arm, a broken rib, as well as some head truama. He's concussed and on account of the water temperature he is also suffering mild hypothermia. Thankfully we've raised his body temperatures and we're keeping a very close eye on him just in case anything changes. If you ask me he's lucky to have gotten out of it with just those injuries. Ninety-eight percent of jumpers don't survive their falls at all. But the bridge wasn't very tall either so that helped with his survival. If it were ten feet taller though he may not have gotten onto the coast guards boat alive. For now he is just unconscious."

"I. . .I see. . ." Chibita replied with a sullen tone of voice, looking down into his lap. "His things. He had stuff with 'em."

"Right," the doctor began. "they were taken down the hall to a holding room. We can not release it to you unless you are related to him in some way. Does he perhaps have any family?"

"Well, yeah. . ." Though Chibita wasn't sure how he was going to even explain this to them. "You want me to, uh, call 'em?"

"If you could. It'd be in his best interest. As of now he is under suicide watch. Perhaps if he had some family with him he'd feel better." The doctor explained before making his way out of the waiting room.

 

Suicide watch. Karamatsu? Those two things together seemed so different yet they were in the same sentence. It pained him. He didn't understand just why Karamatsu did it but he wanted to help. He wanted to be there for his friend. He just wasn't sure how to go about explaining this to those idjit brothers of his. He'd kidnapped their brother once for god sake's and they didn't even bat an eye. So what would this do? How would they react? He was almost afraid to wonder about the answer.  
_________________________________

"Nii-san, I know you won at pachinko yesterday. Could you maybe lend me a few bucks?"

The five brothers were crowded in the living room , lounging around as per usual. Todomatsu was in hopes to squander some cash from the eldest, Osomatsu.

"You have a job, don't ya' Totty?" The eldest reminded. "You don't need mine."

"You're better off waiting for your next pay check, Totty. You know how stingey Osomatsu Nii-san is with his money." Choromatsu added, the boy settled against the couch as he flipped through one of his idol mangas. 

Ichimatsu was sat next to the couch, silently staring off out of the window as he stroked the soft fur of his cat.

Jyuushimatsu was laid down on his belly, his feet swaying to and fro in the air while watching baseball on TV. 

It was a quiet day. Everyone was going about their lives as they usually would. But a knock that came to the door would change the tone quickly. 

The brothers looked towards the entrance way, all of them a bit too lazy to get up and answer. It was a competition to see who would be the one to get it.

"Osomatsu Nii-san is the closest." Todomatsu pointed out.

"Mhm, that is true. It'd only make sense for him to get it."

"I'm not getting up." Ichimatsu stated, not caring who answered the door so long as it wasn't him.

"Baseball is on! Can't miss it!" Jyuushimatsu exclaimed, not daring to even miss a second of his show.

Osomatsu was out numbered in votes, heaving a sigh as he realized he really was going to have to answer the door.

"Fine, fine. But I won't be answering it next time."

"As if we have people coming for us as is. Who knows when next time will be." Choromatsu pointed out.

As Osomatsu made his way lazily towards the door Choromatsu's words made him think. Not many people came here for them. They didn't have too many friends who came to visit and none of them had girlfriends so no one like that was visiting either. Their parents only met friends outside of the house. All of them were here, aside from Karamatsu. He had a key though. Maybe he lost it. Curiously Osomatsu creaked the door open, looking around.

"Oi ya idjit."

That voice. Osomatsu's curiosity died as soon as he heard it, eyes traveling down to meet none other then Chibita.

"Whaddya' want?" He groaned. He couldn't believe he got up for this. He could have stayed in his spot, relaxing. Chibita was probably here for some lame reason anyways. He had no time for this.

"Close the door and come out here, Matsuno Osomatsu. We've gotta talk. This is a serious matter so listen."

Osomatsu was a bit taken a back. These formalities. This way of speaking. This was different from the normal Chibita. He'd definitley caught his attention. The eldest Matsuno looked back inside towards the living room where his other brothers were. 

 

"Is it so serious they can't hear it?" Osomatsu asked.

He gained a nod in response from Chibita. "You're the eldest. You outta be the one finding out first and then figuring out how to tell them. . ." He explained.

This only seemed to get weirder and weirder, but Osomatsu was now fully invested in whatever it was Chibita had to say. If it was that important he had to abide by Chibita's wishes. He carefully closed the door behind them, Osomatsu leading Chibita to a spot on the side of the house for them to speak a bit more privately.

"So," Osomatsu began. "What is it?"

For awhile Chibita was silent. It was difficult for him to put all of this into words. The terror he'd went through yesterday was still clinging to him today, if only just in small doses. Still, he was afraid. Frustrated. Angry. But soon enough he managed to push some words through.

"It's about. . .well. . .Karamatsu." He began lowly. 

"Karamatsu?" He remembered something like this happening before. Now that he mentioned it, Karamatsu hadn't been home for some time. "What about him? Did you kidnap him again? Look, we don't have any money. Not for you at least. Besides, haven't you pulled this trick before? It's not gonna-"

Osomatsu was quickly silenced by a fist thrown into his chin. He was shocked that Chibita could toss a fist that high, as well as punch that hard. The hit earned a pain filled hiss from the eldest Matsuno as he rubbed his chin.

"Oi! What was that for!?" He yelled. 

"You. . .You awful bastard." Chibita bit his bottom lip. "Karamatsu. . .Do you even know where Karamatsu is right now?"

". . .E. . .Excuse me?" Osomatsu was confused. "Where he is?" Osomatsu always figured Karamatsu was old enough to handle himself. He didn't think he needed constant supervision.

"You idiot of a brother . . .How could you not even know where he is? Did you even know where he was when he left the house!?"

"Wait. . ."

"Did you even take a minute and think where he was when you woke up and saw he wasn't there!?"

"Chibita!" Osomatsu caught the others attention. "I don't understand. What's up with all of this? If it's so important then where is he?"

Chibita went quiet, scowling at the eldest Matsuno. 

Tears began to swell at Chibita's eyes. The words that he said weren't sounding very good. If his brothers were okay? Was something wrong then with Karamatsu? So wrong that this was the result? It couldn't be that bad, right? Karamatsu was a mature guy, despite his lame personality. He knew how to handle himself. Right?

"Karamatsu is in the hospital." Chibita finally breathed the words out.

The hospital?

"I tried to stop him from doing it but I didn't know what he was doing till h-he jumped of that bridge. I didn't think he was gonna jump, the idjit. He just sorta did it. I couldn't stop 'em."

Jump?. . .Karamatsu?

Chibita's eyes only leaked more tears as he sputtered out the words sorrowfully. "Osomatsu, y-ya' have to be there for 'em. Ya' gotta! Karamatsu, he tried to kill himself, the idjit! He needs you, you shitty brother!"

". . ."

Osomatsu was moved to silence. 

". . ." 

He was unsure of what to do. What to say. Everything around him was crumbling in his mind but at the same time he was trying to assure himself it wasn't.

". . ." 

Processing the information was difficult. He couldn't grasp it. Their Karamatsu in the hospital for a suicide attempt? No. No it couldn't be. Their Karamatsu wasn't like that. Their Karamatsu, despite his lame personality, was always so chipper about everything. Even when they. . .when they teased him. When they ignored him. He was ALWAYS up beat.

"It's not true." Osomatsu said with a pale face. "I-It's a joke. Hehe," He gave a cold laugh which died when he found that Chibita was not laughing along with him. "This isn't real. I. . .It can't be. Karamatsu is. . .Karamatsu. . ." Osomatsu felt his knees grow weak. Something began to sting at his eyes and he felt the urge to collapse in on himself. 

"Osomatsu. . ." 

 

"Where?" Osomatsu questioned, reaching out to Chibita in order to place in hands on the others shoulders to keep his balance. "Which hospital?"

"I can show ya'. Are you okay to go? Shouldn't ya' tell yer' idjit brothers where yer' goin?" Chibita asked, wiping his own tears away. He needed to be collected, just in case Karamatsu was awake. He didn't wanna be a total mess. The idjit didn't need that right now.

"I. . .I'll tell 'em. Just please. Take me to Karamatsu."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Osomatsu finally see's the mess his brother has made himself. He is trying his best to be prepared but knows nothing can prepare him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to continue. Please enjoy.

"Matsuno, Matsuno. . .Ah, here he is. Room B15 on the third floor." The nurse gave direction, Chibita and Osomatsu thanking her before following the path towards the room It had took some time to get out of the house but he'd managed with a good excuse. 

Horse races, as usual. They would buy it. Half of him wished his fake allebi was true and that all of this was just a dream. But this was reality. The two of them were quiet all the while as they walked.

The silence was painful, making Osomatsu anxious with each step closer to the room that held his brother. They boarded an elevator, hitting the button for the third floor. Every second of every moment made his heart pound harder. What state was he in? Would his recovery be difficult? 

Would he be messed up for life? He had all these questions and no answers to console himself with. The biggest one was why? Why would Karamatsu do this? If he was upset he could have come to them. 

They were brothers after all and they held no secrets. At least, they weren't supposed to. . .Deep in thought, the ding from the elevator reaching the third floor startled him. Chibita on the other hand was becoming used to these feelings and the swing of whatever this situation was. 

"Nervous?" Chibita asked.

"Yeah. . ." Osomatsu mumbled lowly in reply. "What. . .What's he look like?"He wanted to be prepared.

"A mess." Chibita stated bluntly as the two of them stepped out from the elevator. It would do no good to sugar coat it. "He's got'a broken arm and rib. Concussion. He had hypothermia from how cold the water was. But I think he's gettin' over that just fine. Doctor said he was lucky to have made it at all." 

Osomatsu wasn't sure how to reply to that, let alone feel about it. His stomach churned just thinking of his brother in such a state. "Is he awake?"

"Dunno." Chibita responded with a shrug. "He was out cold last time I was here and that was before I came to tell ya'. Oh, they've got some stuff in holding that he left on the ground. You should probably get it before ya' leave." 

"Stuff?" Osomatsu raised a brow. "What kind of stuff?"

"Just some things he had with 'em. His shoes, shades, phone." Chibita listed off the things he remembered seeing. "I think that's all of it, but I'm not too sure." 

So. . .he really did try to kill himself. Taking off his shoes, ridding himself of his beloved shades? He wasn't being dramatic, he was going the whole nine yards. As the two found their way to another help desk they scanned the area.

It was one of these rooms, they just weren't sure which. Chibita couldn't remember, having been too preoccupied the last time he was here to take note of which way the room was. Before they could get the chance to ask the nurse stationed to the front desk about the room they were interrupted, freezing in place as a loud crash echoed through the halls of the hospital, followed by yelling. 

The nurses walkie talkie went off, another explaining a panic attack of sorts over the device in none other then room B15. Osomatsu's heart nearly dropped and he was quick to follow the sounds and rushing nurses. 

"Osomatsu!" Chibita was practically left in the dust as Osomatsu ran blindly, rushing without a second thought towards the commotion he was hearing. It didn't take him long to bolt into the room only to pause, seeing a sight beyond his comprehension. The room was being destroyed. A small table used for placing food was flipped over. The bed sheets were tossed onto the floor and the monitors were going haywire, beeping and chirping as a frantic Karamatsu struggled from nurses. Screaming. Crying.

"Sir, you have to relax!" A nurse urged as two others helped restrain Karamatsu.

"No, No! NO!" Karamatsu flailed, kicking and screaming more as he tried to break free from the others hold. "This wasn't suppos- I wasn't supposed to!" He breathed heavily, his good arm still trying to pull off the rest of the wires attached to his chest. He'd already managed to toss away his IV and now he wasn't trying to let the staff keep him from getting rid of the rest.  
Osomatsu watched with horror, never having seen Karamatsu like this. Not even when they were kids.

"I wasn't supposed to be here!"

Not even during their teens.

"I wasn't supposed to be saved!"

But now. . .Osomatsu realized something. Maybe it was because he'd pent whatever he was feeling up all of those years. Maybe this was his tipping point. He watched as Karamatsu finally managed to break free, lunging off of the bed and onto his feet.

"I was supposed to die and I couldn't even do that right! This, this isn't fair!" Karamatsu sobbed. "It's n-not fair!" Karamatsu reached for a chair, ready to toss that too, but Osomatsu acted fast. He stepped in, grabbing Karamatsu from behind and pulling him in. His arms wrapped around Karamatsu's waist, the other still frantically trying to escape. 

"Release me! Let me go!" He cried out. 

"Relax." Osomatsu told the other in a hushed.

Upon hearing a familiar voice Karamatsu froze. He knew it far too well to mistake it.

"O. . .Osomatsu Nii-san?" Karamatsu's voice trembled, his body shaking weakly.

"You need to relax Karamatsu. You're hurt." 

Karamatsu could feel Osomatsu shaking too. Both of them were slowly breaking down, knees hitching and bodies becoming weak.

"You idiot. . ." Osomatsu scolded, though it was hardly a scolding tone. He sounded more afraid, his voice trembling. His arms gripped Karamatsu a bit harder as if he'd dissapear if he didn't hold strong enough but like he'd break him if he held too strong. 

The two brothers slowly slid downward until their knees met the floor. 

"Please. . .please calm down." Osomatsu's voice was breaking. Karamatsu could feel his older brothers face bury it's self in the crook of his neck as quiet sobs left him while begging him to stop. 

Chibita could see there was nothing left for him to do as he looked onwards to the two brothers. He quietly made his way out, figuring they needed to be alone. It was better this way anyways. He was sure they had a lot to talk about. Step by step as he walked down the hall he could hear the loud sobs of Karamatsu filling the hospital, only fading when he entered the elevator. From here on out things were going to be different in their little town.

____________________________________________________________

 

"How long. . .?"

". . . "

"Karamatsu, we have to talk about this. How long?"

". . .It's. . .It's been quite some time now, my brother. Quite some time."

The two Matsuno brothers were stationed at the hospital for the night. After everything had calmed down the nurses' tended to Karmatsu, injecting the IV once more and placing the other monitor wires back where they'd been on his chest. Karmatsu sat in bed, wanting to continue his silence. But it seemed Osomatsu was having none of it.

"You've been this way for awhile and you haven't told any of us? Why?" Osomatsu questioned impatiently.

"That's. . .well. . ."

"We're not supposed to keep secrets like these Karamatsu! You know that."

Osomatsu was very adamant about getting to the bottom of this. He just didn't understand. Thankfully Karamatsu had made it out of this with only minor injuries. He didn't know what he would have done if. . .Ah, he didn't even wanna think about it. He was so upset but he could only imagine how Karamatsu was feeling. The eldest gave a sigh, seeing the look on Karamatsu's face. The obvious shame and defeat. Karamatsu wouldn't even meet his eyes. 

"Were you feeling that unhappy?" Osomatsu asked. "Was whatever it was really that bad?"

Karamatsu was still for a moment, hesitant, but gave a sullen nod. He'd never told anyone this before. Not a soul. It was difficult for him to admit these things. Embarrassing even. He didn't want anyone to know. He didn't want them to find out. 

"Why didn't you tell us? Hell, why didn't you even tell Chibita?! That's one of your closest friends, right?" He should have told someone at least.

No response. Karamatsu went completely silent, not wanting to continue this investigation. It irritated Osomatsu to no end but it couldn't be helped. He understood why Karamatsu might want to not talk about it. He honestly didn't want to either. He just wanted to come to understanding. Perhaps it would happen down the road but not now.

"Are you feeling any pain?" Osomatsu asked.

"Ah, just a small bit. But I am apparently in good health from what my doctor has told me."

"That's good." Osomatsu sighed with relief. 

"Are. . .are you worried, Nii-san?" Karamatsu asked.

"Worried?" Osomatsu repeated, giving Karamatsu a scolding expression. As if he could even ask the question. He should KNOW! "Of course I'm worried you idiot little brother!" He barked, making Karamatsu flinch in surprise. "You jumped off a fucking bridge! You . . .You tried to. . .k-kill yourself!" Ah, Osomatsu was getting choked up again.

"Nii-san." Karamatsu was shocked. He didn't expect this. "No, no, nii-san, do not freght over me." He told the eldest. "I am okay, you see? You needn't worry! I'll be alright!"

"B-But-"

"Non, non, nii-san. No buts. You shouldn't worry over me. I'm not worth that."

Not worth it?

"I should be the least of your worries, dear brother."

Least of. . .what?

"But I promise you, I am going to be fine! So do not fear." Karamatsu gave his older brother his signature smile. It was fake and Osomatsu knew it. But he supposed that's what made it hurt. Not only that but these words. How Karamatsu said them. It was as if the younger brother thought he was not even worth a second thought, let alone a first.

Maybe he did think that? It would explain many things and honestly and Osomatsu wouldn't blame him for feeling that way. The way they treated him. How ignored he was. Guilt waved over Osomatsu as he came to the realization that perhaps they were what drove Karamatsu to this point, he and the other brothers. 

It made sense. He didn't think they'd been so harsh. Brothers picked on each other but truthfully, maybe they'd gone over board. Maybe they'd called him a name too many. Maybe. . .maybe they weren't very good brothers.

"Are you okay, brother?" Karamatsu asked, yanking Osomatsu from his state of mind.

Karamatsu seemed more chipper, giving this horrible smile that Osomatsu wished would fade because of how obviously fake it was. This stupid cool guy act. . .How long had it been an act without them noticing Karamatsu was really messed up inside?

"You idiot little brother. . ." Osomatsu frowned, reaching out and gently putting his arms around Karamatsu. "I should be asking you that question."

Once again Osomatsu shed tears, sobbing into his brothers shoulder as Karamatsu patted his back consolingly. Once again Osomatsu found himself feeling guilty, knowing he should be the one comforting Karamatsu. But another realization came to Osomatsu. His little brother was so much more mature then him. Stronger too, in the sense of keeping his feelings together. 

Where as Osomatsu was not. He wondered why he'd never noticed it sooner? What a terrible brother he was. . .


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Osomatsu tries to be responsible. Karamatsu tries to adjust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Osomatsu tries to be responsible. Karamatsu tries to adjust. I try to find worth in life after season one has ended. Let us all pray to dayon for another season and while we wait i'll try to get some hella rad chapters out.

It had been a few days since then. Since that awful day. How many days had it been exactly? Three? Osomatsu had estimated three. 

Karamatsu was regaining his strength every day but the look in his eyes were still the same. Ridden with this glint of defeat with a mix of shame. He wouldn't talk of what happened and they only spoke of it, the jump, when the doctor would explain his condition. The impact when he hit the water did this to his arm, the impact also resulted in this as well as that, the doctor would say. But afterwards Karamatsu would shrug it off and pretend as if everything was normal. 

It made Osomatsu sick to his stomach but he bared with it. Why? Well. . .it was his guilt. He knew for sure that it was he and his brothers who'd driven Karamatsu to this point. Pretending along side of Karamatsu was the least he could do for him after treating him so badly all those years. 

The night of the first day, he'd managed to pry himself away from Karamatsu once his younger sibling had gone to sleep . He honestly didn't want to leave his side and it took some time to do so but he had to go. Not only did he need to get a few things for Karamatsu but he needed to make an appearance to his other brothers or else they'd suspect something. He had wanted to tell the others but Karamatsu wanted none of it.

"They needn't their lives plagued with my silliness." He remembered Karamatsu saying. "I don't want them learning of this. Please promise me you will not tell them, Nii-san. It would be for the best if they never knew."

"What about when you go home?" Osomatsu had retorted. He'd been trying to persuade Karamatsu the entire day. It wasn't right to leave them out of this. "How are you going to explain your injuries?"

"Simple," Karamatsu gave a look of confidence, baring that painful grin. "i'll tell them I fell down some stairs."

Osomatsu's brows knitted. Fell down the stairs? "I don't think that situation matches these injuries."

"It could be a flight of stairs?" Karamatsu added.

"Karamatsu!" Osomatsu barked in frustration. "They need to know. It's not fair to them not to kn-"

"Osomatsu!" It was Karamatsu's turn to snap, giving his brother a serious look. "I. . .I don't want them to know. I don't want them looking at me differently or becoming troubled by my actions. I wouldn't be able to bare it if they learned of what I'd done. I've already caused enough trouble dragging you into this, Nii-san. Please give me a little satisfaction in surviving, knowing they won't ever know."

Karamatsu's words sent Osomatsu a back. Karamatsu was always selfless. When he'd been trapped, debatting whether or not he should stay or leave, he'd recalled the countless acts of selflessness' Karamatsu had preformed that went unnoticed. He added this to the list. Of course Karamatsu had his own personal reasons for them not wanting to know, but the way he explained it. Not wanting to trouble them? 

He was thinking of them first, probably not wanting to put a pause on their lives just for him. Osomatsu would give in to his brothers request, wanting nothing more then for him to have a little happiness. Upon going home he'd be asked where he was, what he'd been doing, why he'd taken so long? He would explain he was out at the races all day and majorly lost. It would give a reason for his depressed expression.

"Osomatsu nii!" Jyushimatsu had stopped Osomatsu's steady track to their room. "Karamatsu nii hasn't been home all day either!" He'd point out.

It hit Osomatsu like a brick. "Ah. . .he hasn't?" Osomatsu would say lowly and give a shrug. "I'm sure he's fine." He lied before continuing his way towards the room. Before he'd left the hospital he'd picked up Karamatsu's things from holding. The clothes he'd jumped in, jeans and a plain, white shirt.

The plastic bag that held them was slightly heavy and the inside was speckled with droplets from the damp clothes. It made Osomatsu pale slightly, thinking how cold the water must've been and how hard Karmatsu must've hit it. Another plastic bag held a note book, his phone, and his glasses. Then he was given his shoes and leather jacket. Osomatsu at times wondered what the book was for but he dared not read it. 

He kept it secured in the bag, hiding it within the bottom of his own dresser drawer. He kept the glasses and picked up Karamatsu's leather jacket, throwing them in a bag and grabbing a few other clothes too. Once Karamatsu was out of the hospital he'd need a spare change of clothes. Osomatsu made sure to get himself a change of clothes too. He knew he'd be spending most of his time with Karamatsu so he was going prepared. He took a charger for his phone, his tooth brush and tooth paste, and hurried out of the house with hopes that he wasn't seen.

The next day was the same. He'd spend time with Karamatsu the entire day only to come home at night when the other would be fast asleep. He'd be questioned again by his brothers but he assured them by saying he was at the horse races or playing pachinko.

"Lose again?" Choromatsu asked.

"Yeah, big time!" Osomatsu replied with a chuckle. It seemed his acting was pretty good. He would falter every now and then though. It was rare but it would happen. 

"Karamatsu onii-san has been gone for awhile now, hasn't he?" Todomatsu would bring up during dinner.

"I hardly noticed he left." Ichimatsu would say, taking a spoonful of food only to pause half way as Osomatsu would slam his hand on the table. The other four brothers heads would turn and Ichimatsu's brow would raise in confusion.

"What's your deal?" Ichimatsu questioned.

Ah. Osomatsu had done it without thinking. He was ready to scold Ichimatsu but he found it would only seem suspicious. He'd shake his head, giving a grin. "Just a bug on the table." He'd lie before continuing with his meal. He could tell they were all feeling that something was up. 

Something different. But they wouldn't be able to put their finger on it. Osomatsu was thankful for their lack of connecting the dots. Then came the third day. Osomatsu had gotten a call that morning from the hospital. 

Karamatsu had woken up earlier then usual it seemed. They said he was panicked. Osomatsu quickly got to his feet from bed, dressing in preparation to leave for the hospital. But he would be interrupted.

"Nii-san."

"Choromatsu . . ."

Choromatsu was smart. He'd seen the green hooded younger brother examining him every now and then as the days passed, border-line watching him. He knew he wasn't connecting the dots but even if he didn't, he was sure the other had a suspicion something was up.

"You've been going out a lot lately, nii-san. Are you really going to the races and pachinko?" Choromatsu would ask.

"Of course. Where else would I be going?" Osomatsu lied, covering himself with a smile.

"Osomatsu nii-san, it's seven am. Nothing is open or happening right now. None of us even get up this early, especially you." Choromatsu would point out. "What's going on, Nii-san?"

Ah. Osomatsu felt caught. He had to figure some way past it. "I'm just starting my day early. Is that so wrong?" Osomatsu challeneged.

"No. . .but this isn't like you, Nii-san."

"Maybe I'm trying to change the pace of my life, Choromatsu." 

"You? Change?"

". .. Yeah. . ." 

Choromatsu wasn't buying it. "Nii-san."

"Choromatsu, I promise everything is fine. I'm not up to no good or anything like that. I'm the one who spouts about us sharing everything, remember? I wouldn't lie to you." He defended. Though this was a lie and he felt pretty bad about it he had no choice. It was for Karamatsu. 

There was a silence between the two brothers. The world was spinning and time was going but oh, it would feel like an eternity before Choromatsu finally bought it. "Alright, alright." He'd huff. "But if you win big at the horse races just let me know."

"Got it!" Osomatsu noted before heading out. 

By this time he'd memorized the hallways and elevators he needed to take to get to Karamatsu's room without the nurse's help. He'd make his way up there each morning and find himself sitting across from Karamatsu in fancy chair with an adoment. He'd use it every now and then to relax. Today he'd find his brother weeping as he stared out the window.

"A bad dream?" Osomatsu would ask as he leaned on the door frame.

His voice would make Karamatsu flinch a little in surprise, the second son quick to rub away his tears.

"Ah, yeah. Heh, you caught me Nii-san." Karamatsu would reply in his best up-beat tone. Once his eyes were free of tears he'd turn to Osomatsu and throw him a smile. "But i'm feeling much better now!"

A lie. It seemed to be what he and his brother were best at these days though Osomatsu felt like he was beating him in this game of fibs. Or maybe Karamatsu had already won, his poker face simply becoming a bit more easier to see now that Osomatsu knew his true feelings.

"Let's have some breakfast then." Osomatsu would suggest, stepping in and seating himself before picking up the meal menu from the small table next to Karamatsu's bed side. Karamatsu nodded in agreement, the two of them ordering food and continuing their day as normally as they could. 

____________________________________________

"You're free to head home now, Matsuno san. There are a few conditions though."

"Conditions?"

It had been a week since Karamatsu entered the hospital. He'd been progressing well to Osomatsu's content and he'd even managed to brighten up a bit. Though Osomatsu some what suspected he was just getting better at hiding his true feelings, he let it slide. Especially when the conditions were laid out for them.

"You'll be seeing a therapist from here on out. We can not allow you to simply leave without proper mental treatment. Considering the situation you need to speak about this to someone. We've already appointed you one and have scheduled a day to meet with them for you." The doctor handed Osomatsu a card for the therapist, the card listing the name of the therapist, address of their office and days they were available.

"But. . ."

"No buts, Matsuno san. This is mandatory for your treatment. You will also receive physical therapy for your arm and appointments back with me to examine how your coming along. There is no negotiating this." The doctor would tell him, to Karamatsu's dismay. 

"I'm assuming you will be his chaperon through all of this?" The doctor questioned, turning his gaze to Osomatsu.

"Of course." Osomatsu would reply.

"Then you'll be escorting him to his sessions, right?"

"I plan on it." 

"Good. Just make sure he does everything he's supposed to and he'll be fine. I've prescribed him medication. Anti-depressants and sleep aid. Make sure he takes them properly, no more and no less then instructed." The doctor would stress the last part. "Two anti-depressants in the morning and one sleep aid before bed. There are also pain killers but he'll only need one if he's feeling a bit of discomfort. If he takes it make sure he checks with you first." 

There were so many things Osomatsu would have to do and the look on Karamatsu's face easily read out to how terrible he felt for pulling his brother into such a situation. But Osomatsu was on top of it. He didn't mind. With confidence he gave the doctor nod and promised to do just that.

"I'll keep a close eye on him." He'd say.

Twenty or so minutes later the two of them were on their way home. Karamatsu's arm was still in a sling and it hurt to walk on account of his rib but he managed. 

The walk home was quiet. Karamatsu would glance every now and then at Osomatsu but would not speak. Osomatsu was the one to break the ice. 

"Are you nervous? About seeing them again?" He was of course referring to their brothers. It'd been a week without him and Osomatsu had covered for Karamatsu the entire time, telling them he'd been staying with Chibita. They'd all been seemingly worried about him, even if they didn't out right say it. He wondered if Karamatsu ever noticed that they really did care at times like those?

"Of course. . ." Karamatsu would confess. "I didn't expect to see them again so I'm not quite sure how to feel around them. I'm afraid I may slip up." He explained.

His words would give Osomatsu chest pains, the eldest balling up his fists. Karamatsu was being so strong and he had no way to show him how proud he was. All he could offer Karamatsu was a smile and a gentle pat on the back.

"You'll do fine. Besides, you've got me to help you if need be so just relax." Osomatsu comforted, earning a rather appreciative smile from Karamatsu.

Now this smile. This one was genuine. It made Osomatsu feel better then he had in the past week. Hopefully one day every one of Karamatsu's smiles would be genuine. But he knew it would only happen in time and with recovery. He was willing to help Karamatsu see it through.

They'd return home side by side, the act of the two brothers setting in as soon as they stepped through the door. 

"We're home." The two chimed, their poker faces well intact as they took off their shoes and entered into the living room. 

"Welcome home! Welcome home! Welco-" Jyuushimatsu had shot up, running towards the two eldest's gleefully, only to puase when seeing Karamatsu's arm. "Awaaahhh, Nii-san's all banged up!" He'd point out.

"Ah, tis but a mere sprain my dear Jyuushimatsu." Karamatsu explained with his normal spunk and attitude. He appeared practically normal, aside from the arm, but Osomatsu knew better then that. 

"A sprain?" Todomatsu raised a brow. "How?"

"I fell down some stairs." Karamatsu lied. "But do not fear. I am still fully functional!" He laughed.

"So painful, Nii-san." Totty sighed, shaking his head. The others would join in and agree with Totty. All except Osomatsu who quietly sat down at the table, staring into space. So, this was how things were now? It felt weird but he'd do his best to go with it.

In the end he hoped it'd be good enough. He'd watch as life resumed it's course. His eyes would land on Karamatsu who was easily pushed aside once again, his brothers returning to their own activities. Left out and ignored, just like before. It looked too easy but he was sure Karamatsu was used to this. 

He hated thinking that but it was only true. And him? Osomatsu pretended everything was fine and slouched around as he normally would. Only difference was he'd end up around or close to Karamatsu each time. Things would be the same as they were before on the outside but on the inside, to Osomatsu and Karamatsu, it was only the beginning of something new.  
________________________________________________________

"Are you sure it's today? It could be that we read the shcedule wrong."

 

Karamatsu Matsuno was a slight wreck. He smiled but his smile was hanging on it's hinges as they walked off the subway platform. They'd just arrived in town where the office of Karamatsu's thereapist was stationed. To say the least he wasn't very excited to go.

 

"It's today Karamatsu. Don't worry so much, alright? Everything's going to be fine."

 

"It's just that. . .well. . .I've never talked to anyone so in depth before about myself."

 

Osomatsu gave Karamatsu a reassuring pat on the back. "I wouldn't lie to you, Karamatsu. Getting it all off of your chest might do some good."

It was his younger brothers first therapy session. Osomatsu was being strong, confidently leading him to the office. Though he himself was a little nervous too, even if it didn't show. Hell, he didn't want it to show to keep Karamatsu from getting over nerve wracked. Both brothers, unknown to the other, had been anxious for this day. 

Karamatsu would be spilling his guts and Osomatsu would be quietly sitting in the waiting room, alone with thoughts that plagued him ever since that day. His brothers incident had left quite the scar behind. The oldest Matsu watched over Karmatsu all while trying his best not to seem too concerned in front of the others. From the corners of his eyes he'd keep track of Karamatsu, watch where he'd go and what he'd do. He'd even made rules at the house in which he had everyone obide by.

No going out without checking in with the eldest or their parents. If they were out for more then a couple hours to check in every other hour. He'd even given them a curfew. Of course there was some rebellion but with the help of his mother the rules he put down mostly held through. It had been two weeks since that day and a week since he'd instated those rules. 

He'd calmed down a little now that time had passed and things were a bit more organized. But he was still under a strange state of mind. Night terrors. The constant worry if one of his brothers were gone without his knowledge. He found himself anxious to not know where one or the other was.

He found himself freaking out silently, worried. His stress would rise. His night terrors would increase. He'd picture horrible things and jerk out of his sleep. None of the others had noticed yet, thankfully. He didn't need them knowing. 

He could understand why Karamatsu didn't want them knowing about his incident now. To have his brothers view him as a nervous wreck? He didn't want that. He was sure that was where Karamatsu was coming from. Thankfully though his brother had someone to talk to about this. 

He hoped that it would help him. Soon enough they arrived at the office. Karamatsu was given some paper work to fill out and turn in once he was done. The two of them sat in wait for about fithteen minutes before it was Karamatsu's turn. His brother was hesitant but Osomatsu once again gave him a smile and a thumbs up.

"You'll do great." Osomatsu encouraged.

"I. . .I'll try." Karamatsu replied as he then stood, slowly padding into the therapists office.

Osomatsu was left with nothing but the silence of the waiting room and a magazine that was placed out on the table. The session didn't take too long but once it was over and Karamatsu had returned he looked. . .well. . .more relaxed. 

"How did it go?" Osomatsu questioned while they were walking out.

"It went surprisingly well. I had not expected it to be so fufilling. It was a tad difficult and I didn't get too in depth with anything but for the most part I was glad to have someone to listen to my plights." Karamatsu explained, a smile happening on his lips.

"Someone to talk to, huh?" Osomatsu pondered.

"Nii-san?"

"You know Karamatsu." Osomatsu began. "If you need to talk and we can't get to your therapist. . .you can talk to me." He offered. "I also have a secrets. Secrets I don't wanna share with anyone. Something I don't want to burden them, or you, with. But. . .if you share with me, Karamatsu. I'll share with you."

Karamatsu was stunned. In fact he'd stopped walking all together, frozen, as he looked at his brother in awe.

"Hmm, what's wrong Karamatsu?" Osomatsu asked with a tilt of his head.

"Nii-san. . .you. . .you don't understand how much that means to me." 

Osomatsu figured as much. The eldest rubbed the back of his head, smiling sadly. "You couldn't talk to any of us before because we weren't the best brothers to you, right? This is the least I can do to make up for it, on the others behalf too. So you can come to me. Don't be afraid."

Osomatsu was taken a back as shaky arms suddenly wrapped around his mid section. He hadn't expected such joy from his brother but he was so happy. Karamatsu would thank him over and over as he hugged onto him like some sort of savior. Osomatsu was no savior. In fact, he was partially the reason for Karamatsu's bad life. But he wanted to make up for it. He wanted to become better. The eldest Matsu would return the embrace, assuring Karamatsu that he wouldn't have to be alone. 

"That's what big brothers are for, right?" Osomatsu would chuckle. "Now let's get home. Don't wanna break curfew or the others will be down our backs, heh."


	4. Chapter 4

"Osomatsu Matsuno san. Are you feeling alright?"

 

It had been a month since they'd begun this therapy thing. Karamatsu's arm was healed nicely thanks to the physical therapy, and his rib was getting better. Thanks to Mrs. Sawada, his mental and emotional therapist, he was even seeming like his old, painful self. But Osomatsu had been called into Mrs. Sawada's office after speaking with Karamatsu for some reason. 

 

"Me?" Osomatsu questioned.

 

"You aren't looking very well, Osomatsu Matsuno san. Even you're brother is quite worried for you."

 

Ah. Osomatsu had told Karamatsu about his night terrors over the month. He hadn't told him about everything else, his anxiety and stress, but he'd explained the night terrors. Not in depth but he understood he was very shaken up when he'd get them. 

 

"Well," Osomatsu began as he did his signature nose rub. "I guess I haven't been sleeping well." He admitted.

 

"I can tell. You have bags under your eyes, Osomatsu San. Would you like to talk about it?" She asked.

Talk about it? His gaze turned to a random part of the room that wasn't Mrs. Sawada. He wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it. It was all very unsettling and it gave him chills to even think about. 

 

"This is a safe space Osomatsu san. You can speak of whatever you'd like and it won't leave this room." She explained.

 

Osomatsu raised his head, turning back to Mrs. Sawada. 

 

"Really?" He asked.

 

"Of course. It's confidentiality. I have yet to share any of your brothers information with you, right? It's how things work. If you'd like to talk I'm giving you the chance. But if you don't, that is also fine. I'm not going to force you but it might make you feel better." 

 

To think that he'd be able to get all of this out in the open. It was a little scary. He didn't share those kinds of things openly. Not even with his brothers, so long as it could be helped. He was the eldest after all and he didn't want his brothers harboring burdens when they had their own. Seeing as he had no one else to talk to this about it was his only choice.

"I've. . .been having nightmares. They've been keeping me awake." He admitted.

 

"Nightmares?" Sawada repeated. "Can you remember them, what they were about?" 

"Yeah. They were, well. . .about Karamatsu's incident. I didn't see it but I knew what happened. I've been having dreams about him jumping. . ." It was difficult to get out. His voice was slightly shakey, hands gripping his knees as he spoke in order to keep himself together while recalling the dream. "I see him fall and there's nothing I can do. I run and reach out but there's no reaching him in the dreams. He falls. . .I can't save him." He gulps down the lump in his throat, gripping his slacks tighter. "I see my other brothers figures and I hear their voices. They're so far away. I run after their voices and end up in a grave yard. I see their names on stones. . .then, I wake up." 

"I see." Sawada sighed. "Osomatsu san. You feel responsible for Karamatsu's incident, don't you?" She asked.

 

Osomatsu flinched, turning his head down to his lap before giving a nod. "I hadn't been a good brother. I wasn't looking after him when I should have. It was my responsibility and I failed. . ." As the eldest son of course he felt most responsible.

"And if something ever happened to your other brothers you'd feel just as responsible, wouldn't you?"

Osomatsu once again gave a nod. "I've gone as far as to put restrictions on the house hold just to make sure I know where they all are, just in case." He voiced.

"Restrictions?"

"Curfews and checking in. Nothing too extreme." He waved off. 

"I understand, Osomatsu San. You're afraid something else is going to happen to one of your brothers if you aren't watchful over them. Do you think that sounds right?"

This lady was good, Osomatsu thought. She'd figured him out in just a short time. He could see why Karamatsu was getting better. "Yeah. . ." He mumbled lowly. "I. . .I want to be a good brother. I don't want anything to happen to them. With Karamatsu, I didn't know where he was, what happened to him, if he was okay. Hell, I didn't even know he was depressed before then. That's why I've been so persistent on knowing where they are and being more involved in their lives. I don't want to fail them like I did with Karamatsu. I want them to know they can turn to me with anything and I'll be there no matter what." 

He had become so afraid of losing them and so worried they'd do something harmful or get into a dangerous situation that he'd been losing sleep over it. What if something did happen? What if he wasn't able to help them in time? All the thoughts that passed through his brain made him anxious every night after being frightened out of sleep from one of those awful dreams.

"Osomatsu san," Sawada started with a smile. "do not push yourself. Just by making these changes in your life and becoming a bigger part of their's is going to make a difference for them. It'll show them you care and that you've become mature enough to be someone that they can rely on. Do be lenient on your brothers though. It's good to be wary but make certain to know your limitations. The world is a little dangerous but if you live in fear you won't be able to experience life the way it should be lived, nor will they if you hold them back. You're doing a good job so far though, Osomatsu san. I'm proud that you have stepped up as the eldest. Keep going in the right direction and I'll see what I can do about prescribing you some sleep aid similar to Karamatsu's if the dreams worsen. I also recommend doing things that distract or relieve you from your stress. Do you have a job, Osomatsu San? Maybe a hobby?"

A. . .a job? Osomatsu wasn't sure if a job was going to work. A hobby maybe but a job? He was the advocate of never working and always leaching off of his parents. But. . .things were changing. He was changing. Perhaps trying something new would help them all out? 

"A job. I think I'll look for a job." He decided.

"That sounds like a good start, Osomatsu san. Just remember not to push yourself, alright? Do you feel any better?"

Osomatsu gave a nod of his head. "It feels good to have talked about it."

"People say when you see things from someone else's perspective you come to a better understanding of the things you must fix in life. It's why therapy is so helpful." Sawada explained as she stood, walking with Osomatsu over to the door. "If you'd like we can have sessions together to speak more about your problems, perhaps after Karamatsu's to make it convenient for the two of you?"

"Sure. Yeah, I'd like that a lot." Osomatsu answered positively.

"Well then, until next time Osomatsu san?"

"Heh, of course. You'll see Karamatsu and I next time most definitely, Mrs. Sawada!" he chimed as he made his way out of the room.

"Good bye then and be safe." Sawada waved, watching the two brothers leave the office side by side, smiling.

______________________________________________________________________

It was the early morning hours. Applications littered the living room table, Osomatsu looming over them with frustration. He'd never filled out so many before but there they were, all ten of them done. He formed them in a neat little stack before carefully sliding them into his back pack to deliver to the places he'd applied for later on in the day. He'd gotten up early on this day, very early, in order to fill them all out. He didn't want his brothers knowing he'd been applying for jobs so he made sure to fill them out while they were fast asleep. One however slipped through the cracks.

"Osomatsu nii san, good morning!"

Osomatsu froze in place, the stack of applications thankfully already settled away in his bag, before he turned his head to see a figure sporting a yellow hoodie and a big grin.

"Jyushimatsu," he groaned. "don't sneak up on me like that." 

"Sorry, nii san!" Jyushimatsu apologized. 

"Why are you up so early anyways?"

"I always get up early, nii san! For baseball practice! Baseball practice!" Jyushimatsu would chant lightly, the younger Matsuno only seeming to grow more and more excited at the thought of baseball. 

That's right. Jyushimatsu did love baseball, didn't he? Osomatsu thought back, remembering how passionate his brother was for the sport. But never had he seen him practice, let alone had he been to one of his games. Did he even play for a team? The eldest brother frowned a bit when realizing this. 

"Where do you like to practice, Jyushimatsu?" Osomatsu would ask, receiving a rather curious expression from his younger sibling.

"You really wanna know?" Jyushimatsu questioned.

"Sorta. I've never been able to hear about it before so I thought it'd be nice to know about your interest. Is that bad?"

Jyushimatsu shook his head no quickly before hurrying to take a seat next to Osomatsu. "No, no, not bad at all! I can tell you anything!" Jyushimatsu would assure excitedly. 

"I wanna know about everything." Osomatsu replied, making Jyushimatsu's smile grow. Heh, he didn't even think it was possible but it did. It was the most happiest smile he'd ever seen. It made Osomatsu himself feel pretty happy, even a little excited for Jyushimatsu. 

He would sit and listen to Jyushimatsu as they shared an early breakfast, learning all about his team and how hard he would practice. He wasn't into baseball at all but the way Jyushimatsu would explain it made him want to enjoy it just as much as he did. Or maybe it was that he enjoyed that his brother had something he enjoyed. Something that made him extremely happy. Yeah, that must have been it. He'd learn so many things that morning, even about how Jyushimatsu made the winning home run for his team once. He couldn't believe he'd over looked such a victory in his brothers life before this.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for it, Jyushimatsu." He'd apologize. 

"Ah, no nii-san, don't be sorry!" The younger sibling would console, seeing his brothers smile falter a tad. "This really makes up for it. I've never been able to talk to any of you all about baseball before like this. This has made me really happy!" He threw his arms up expressively to show just how gleeful he was about it. 

"Really?" Osomatsu asked with surprise. "Not even Ichimatsu?"

Jyushimatsu shook his head. "He tolerates it because he cares a lot about me, and I appreciate it from him, but he doesn't get it. You really listen, nii san, I can tell. And that makes me really, really, really happy!" 

So not even Ichimatsu could do this? Osomatsu felt a little. . .well, special. Maybe changing wasn't so bad if he got to feel content like this all the time. "Well," Osomatsu began. "if you want I can come to one of your games some time."

"Really!?" Jyushimatsu would exclaim with surprise before being hushed by Osomatsu, the eldest putting his hands over the younger ones wide grin. 

"Yes, of course I'll come!" He answered in a hushed tone. "Just don't wake the others okay?!"

Jyushimatsu nodded in understanding before Osomatsu removed his hands. "Thank you, Osomatsu nii san! I can't wait for you to see me play! I'll hit a home run just for you!" He chimed quietly.

Osomatsu would smile, ruffling his brothers hair tenderly. "Don't thank me. It's what big brothers are supposed to do."


	5. Chapter 5

His brothers gawked at Osomatsu in shock, unable to take their eyes off of the uniform he was wearing that morning. It had been a two months since the incident. Osomatsu since then had changed a lot. Not only Karamatsu had taken notice but so had the others. Karamatsu had an idea as to why he was changing but the others? This was just one big surprise. One day he was his lazy self and then the next he was becoming this responsible elder brother type. The uniform proved his responsibility, the eldest having earned himself a job. 

"Security!" Jyushimatsu chimed, reading the words on Osomatsu's shirt. "Security, security!"

Osomatsu was sporting a blue collared shirt with badges on the shoulder that said 'security', a policemen type hat and navy blue slacks. 

"Sure does look like a workmen's uniform but it could be a trick. . ." Todomatsu commented.

"Has to be. Osomatsu could never be serious about getting a job." Choromatsu agreed.

"Or maybe it's a weird dream." Ichimatsu theorized.

"Security!" Jyuushimatsu sang out again.

"I'm right here you know? You could ask me." Osomatsu growled. 

"Nii san," Karamatsu would begin. "what kind of job is it that you've acquired?"

Osomatsu grinned, pointing to his badge. "I'm security." 

"Obviously." Todomatsu sighed with a roll of his eyes. "What kind of security? For what?"

"I work for the city bank. They were hiring and I applied. Looks like they were pretty interested in me, seeing as I got the job." He explained, preforming his signature nose rub with a grin.

"You've hardly worked a day in your life, nii san." Choromatsu pointed out with frustration. "How could you get a job?!"

"Well, I was the only one who passed the drug test and criminal back ground check out of the other applicants." He admitted.

"At least we know he's not using drugs." Todomatsu stated. "But when were you going to tell us about this job? When did you even apply?"

"Hm, about a month ago." He recalled.

A month? 

"And you didn't tell us!?" Choromatsu barked. 

"Yeah, what was that about sharing everything important that happens in our lives with each other, or something like that?" Todomatsu agreed.

"I didn't want to say anything until I got the job. That way I wouldn't jinx myself." Osomatsu explained with a nonchalont shrug before continuing to eat his breakfast.

"Is that really a good enough excuse?" Todomatsu frowned. "What about being a NEET forever and leaching off mom and dad?"

"Eh," Osomatsu shrugged once again. "it's lost it's appeal I guess, that life style. Besides, I'm the eldest. Wouldn't it be cool if you could leach off your big brother as well as mom and dad?" 

"As crazy as you sound right now that actually doesn't sound bad. Nii san, you really have turned around. When you get your next paycheck can we go out shopping?" Todomatsu suggested jokingly.

"Heh, sure Todomatsu. I'm curious about where you go shopping anyways." 

Todomatsu was taken a back, raising his brow questioningly. "Are. . .are you serious?" He asked.

"Sure. I was planning to celebrate with my first paycheck by getting you all something anyways so why not?" 

"Who are you and what have you done with our nii san?" Ichimatsu questioned lowly.

It would only gain an innocent chuckle from Osomatsu. "Guys, is it so wrong for your big brother to want to grow up a little?"

"Well. . .I suppose not. It's just so sudden and totally not like you." Choromatsu explained. 

"Well, I for one am ecstatic for your success in gaining a job, brother." Karamatsu would congratulate in his usual dramatic tone, but it was apparent he was being sincere. 

"Thank you all. I really appreciate the support. Don't miss me too much when I'm at work, yeah?" He'd chuckle. 

After breakfast he'd sit at the entry way, a little nervous as he slipped his shoes on. 

"So you're really going? This isn't a trick?"

Osomatsu smiled, giving a nod after turning to see his green sweatered brother leaning against the entrance frame. "It's real, Choromatsu. But don't worry. Just because I got a job now doesn't mean I'm not the same person. I'm still pretty lazy. I don't even wanna put these shoes on myself." He laughed lowly. "But I didn't get this job for nothing so the shoes have to be put on and I have to go." Once everything was ready he started for the door, waving good bye to his brother, telling him to take good care of the house and their brothers while he was gone. 

Choromatsu couldn't help but question to himself 'what did he get the job for?' But he kept it to himself, pondering over it as he made his way back to the living room with his brothers and his thoughts.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the struggle of Karamatsu's inner feelings since the incident.

Nobody knew. Nobody had to know. It was just his little secret, save from his brother Osomatsu and Chibita. Through out these few months after his incident he'd been quite different around his brothers. He'd tried his best not to be but at times he faltered. His unusual silence when he was usually spouting about something or other. 

His brief appearances for meals as well as how much he'd stay to himself. It wasn't like himself. But he wasn't blaming himself. After all, he hadn't expected to see any of them again. He had set a plan and his aim was to see it through. He didn't think he'd be here, with them, breathing the same air as them. 

Hell, he didn't think he'd be breathing in general. That little reminder made him feel uncomfortable through his day to day life with his family. He didn't know what to do. His mind was every where at once sometimes but on the outside he made sure to stay collected like his normal self. Therapy was certainly helping. He'd never talked to anyone about these things before until now. 

He had to admit, it was a little nerve wracking at first. But soon enough he got comfortable and was able to speak freely of his feelings. He had been prescribed anti-depressants. His wounds were healed now so he no longer needed the pain killers. The anti-depressants were all he needed. 

Day by day he'd shake out a pill and take it with water. Then he'd hide the bottle in his dresser drawer under all of his clothes. He knew Osomatsu was making sure he'd been taking them so he made sure not to skip a single day, if not for his own sake then for Osomatsu's sanity. Osomatsu had changed a lot since then. He'd become more mature. More responsible.

Instilling rules for the household, getting a job. He was sure Osomatsu didn't know but Karamatsu had even seen him giving their parents rent money. He knew why he was doing all this. It of course pained him to think he'd made his brother fearful enough to go this far. But it made him a better person. His only hope was that Osomatsu was happy. 

He too was receiving therapy so he could only assume any stress he had he'd vent it to their therapist. None of the others knew. Not a single one suspected a thing of them. But at times he felt as though they'd get close to the truth. He hoped that day would never come. He wasn't sure what to do if it did. 

For now he was taking things once at a time. He'd enjoy what he could and practice the methods taught to him in therapy to calm himself, if ever he had bad urges. He'd go on walks, go fishing, spend time with Chibita whenever the chance came. Then he'd take his pills. At times he'd become too depressed that even his pills wouldn't boost his mood.

Those times Osomatsu caught him. As much as he wanted to assure the eldest everything was okay Osomatsu would stay with him. He'd sit with him, quietly comforting him. He'd never say anything. His presence was enough to soothe Karamatsu. Today was one of those days. 

His brother took his hand, smiling big and suggested going out for a meal.

"My treat." Osomatsu would chime, holding onto Karamatsu's hand with no intentions of leaving the other to sulk. 

Karamatsu's pale expression would turn up into a small smile, gripping Osomatsu's hand and giving a nod as he'd get up onto his feet. There was no helping it. Osomatsu was such a stubborn guy. But he supposed that was for the best. If he hadn't been so stubborn he might not have been recovering as smoothly as he was. The two brothers ventured out into the world, side by side, eager to tackle a delicious meal and put behind their worries. 

Worries no one needed to know.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With hopes of making himself useful while Osomatsu is working, Choromatsu decides to dig into tidying up the house. His efforts come to a halt though when he finds something in his brothers dresser drawer. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit difficult to write, trying to figure out the best way for them all to react as well as the best way for them all to find out at once. I hope that it does the boys justice.

"Hey Choromatsu, what's that?" Todomatsu questioned

"A book. . ."

Choromatsu. The most responsible of the six sextuplets, at least in his opinion. As of late the eldest had been trying his hand at being more mature and honestly, he was proud of him. He'd been a bit skeptical at first but it seemed he was really trying. He wanted to follow in those foot steps. While Osomatsu was away at work Choromatsu would tend to house holdly chores for the six of them in an effort to make himself as useful as possible until he too got a job. 

He'd been putting away the laundry when he found a strange book at the very bottom of Osomatsu's dresser drawer. He'd never seen it before and on the front it read 'Karamatsu'. Why did Osomatsu have a book that belonged to Karamatsu? As much as he didn't want to pry it was a bit out of the ordinary. He'd settled down with the book, looking at it curiously. Finger tips drifted at the edge of the hard back cover before flipping it open. 

A. . .a journal? It seemed like the first page was an entry, dated and everything. This was also definitely Karamatsu's hand writing. 

'Ah, book. It is so nice to become your acquaintance. I hope the two of us can be good friends as well.'

And his painful way with words.

'Lately, book, I've had no one to speak with. Well, rather, I don't believe I've ever had anyone to speak with about certain issues of my life. You see, I have six brothers and I've never been able to speak with any of them. They aren't exactly the listening type.'

Choromatsu's gaze on the painful words softened a bit. Not able? Did. . .did Karamatsu really feel he was unable to speak to them?

'I do not wish to burden them with my frivolous problems either. So, I am confiding in you, book. Let this be the first step to our friendship!'

"Just like Karamatsu nii-san to make friends with a book."

"Todomatsu!?" Choromatsu yelped in surprise. "Have you been reading over my shoulder this entire time?"

"Well, yeah. Didn't you hear me scoot next to you?" The youngest asked.

"No. . .B-But we shouldn't be reading this." Choromatsu would close the book, readying to stand from the floor only to be dragged back down by his wrist. 

"Oh come on nii san. Karamatsu'll never know if we're quick about it." Todomatsu assured. "Besides, don't you wanna know what's written in there? Like if he's talking trash about us or if his list of favorite brothers are in there?" 

Ah. Todomatsu certainly knew the right buttons to press. Well, he always was that way. A manipulative little brother, but a little brother who made a good point. Choromatsu was pretty curious. He'd slowly settle back down into place and re-open the book to the next page, he and Todomatsu reading on wards together.

'Today was a beautiful day book. The sun was shining brightly and I spent a majority of the day watching my dear Jyushimatsu practice his bat swings from the roof as I'd strum my guitar. The wind was perfect as it coursed through my hair. Ah, I felt so at peace with the world. That is, until Ichimatsu came up behind me and scared me. He's very good at that. I nearly fell off the roof. Thankfully though, your's truly is fine.'

A small chuckle would come from behind the two brothers, Choromatsu and Todomatsu looking behind them to see Ichimatsu and Jyuushimatsu. Ichimatsu was giving a half smirk.

"I remember that day." He'd remissness. He was obviously proud of his success in setting fear into the second eldest.

"Me too, me too, haha! Karamatsu nii san got so scared!" Jyushimatsu laughed, remembering back to seeing Karamatsu just as he jumped from the scare.

Choromatsu sighed, forced to make room for his other two brothers as they'd scoot in with he and Todomatsu in order to read Karamatsu's book. There was no use in turning back now. They'd already gotten through two painful entries so they might as well all get through the rest. As they'd read they'd take turns. Choromatsu would read aloud, then Ichimatsu, then Jyushimatsu, then Todomatsu. It certainly was an interesting book. The four of them would laugh and poke fun at Karamatsu at certain parts, recalling the times that'd be brought up in the book with amusement. It was entertaining. Then it was Todomatsu's turn. He held the book carefully in front of him, clearing his throat as he'd begin to read the next entry.

"Dear book, I'd been thinking about it a lot lately and I've been wondering just why i'm always left behind by my brothers. . ." Todomatsu's voice slightly trailed off at the words. "I can't begin to imagine what I'd done wrong for them to avoid me so much. It's become a constant thought plaguing my mind. I want to ask them, but I am slightly afraid of what they'll say. I already know I am painful in many ways but that is just who I am, all be it painful. I can not change myself. I don't know how to appease them. I am afraid they will one day leave me behind completely. . . . ." Todomatsu blinked in surprise, having never heard Karamatsu speak about this before. It was different from his usual self. They always thought he wore his heart on his sleeve. . .But this was far from it. Jyushimatsu's big grin faltered a bit as his eye brows knitted together. Ichimatsu stared off quickly to the side, dismissing what he'd heard as if it had never even been said. Choromatsu was beginning to think reading on was a bad idea but Todomatsu flipped the page anyways.

"You're going to continue?" Choromatsu questioned.

Todomatsu started reading again. He couldn't just stop there. Maybe if he kept reading there'd be a happy ending. Maybe there were other good times in there they could feel better and laugh about. "Dear book, today I. . ." Todomatsu paused completely. He stopped there, his face slightly pale.

"What Todomatsu?" Choromatsu questioned. 

". . .I. . .uhm. . ." He'd hand the book over to Choromatsu. "I don't want to read anymore."

Choromatsu gingerly held the book, uncertain what to do with it. No one else seemed to want anything to do with it and whatever Todomatsu read must not have been good. But this was Karamatsu they were talking about. It couldn't have been that bad, right? He'd take a peek, skimming over the words only to find that it was that bad. The first sentence went along the lines of self harm from depression. 

He was readying to close it, that is, until something dropped out from inside of the book. An envelope. It was slightly bulging from the contents inside and it looked a little worn, like it was put together some time ago. Choromatsu reached out hesitantly, picking it up. All of them stared at it with the same thought coursing through their minds.

"Should we read it?" Todomatsu was the one who voiced that thought for all of them.

"I. . .I don't know. . ." Choromatsu replied warily. 

"But nii san, it has all of our names on it." Todomatsu pointed out.

It was true. On the front side it had their names written in pen. 'To Osomatsu, Choromatsu, Ichimatsu, Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu" It didn't say who it was from but seeing as it fell out of Karamatsu's book they all had a good guess. 

Suddenly the envelope was grabbed from Choromatsu's hand, the third son snapping his gaze over to the forth.

"Ichimatsu . . ."

The purple clad brother ripped the top open, taking out a folded piece of notebook paper. 

"Dear brothers," Ichimatsu started. "it is I, Karamatsu. If you've found this then you must know what's happened to me. . . I don't know what you all are feeling right now. I could never tell how you'd feel about such a thing. But there is always a bright side. Maybe this is the bright side. For me, it is. I wish I could say I wasn't scared but I am. I am terrified. But I know that once I do this I won't have to live the way I do, with these horrible feelings anymore. I won't cause anyone anymore trouble either. Just thinking about it makes me feel better about the decision. Please do not think that any of you are the reason for this. What I did is not your fault. I love you all dearly and I'll miss you. I just need to do this one thing for myself. I'm sorry. I hope one day you can all forgive me. Goodbye."

There was nothing left. No more words. Silence. Though the topic of the letter wasn't ever said they all knew exactly what Karamatsu was referring to. Ichimatsu threw the envelope down, making Choromatsu and Jyusihmatsu flinch. 

The yellow hooded brother grabbed Ichimatsu's wrist before he'd been able to storm off. He was beyond angry. 

"How were we supposed to know he felt that way?" He'd growl, obviously having accepted that this was no joke. "He never said anything! He can't blame us!"

"He didn't. . ." Todomatsu corrected his brother. "He never blamed us. He simply brought up the fact that we were bad brothers."

Ichimatsu looked away, silence falling on them all once again. None of them could protest that because, as Todomatsu said, it was fact. Now that they looked back on all those times they realized they didn't exactly treat Karamatsu well. 

"It wasn't as if Karamatsu nii san was lying. We all treated him like shit. Of course he wouldn't tell us these things when he thought we didn't even care to begin with." Todomatsu went on.

Choromatsu wasn't sure what to say or do in this situation. His mind was going at the speed of light and he honestly just wished he'd never found the book. But if he didn't they would have been left in the dark for who knows how much longer. "He. . .he's still here with us though." Choromatsu brought up. "So he didn't go through with i-."

"Nii san," Todomatsu would start up again, gaining his elder brothers attention. "A few months ago Karamatsu nii san was gone for a long time. He came home from apparently falling down a set of stairs." Todomatsu had thought his wounds were suspicious for just falling down stairs but he hadn't paid much mind to it at the time though. Thinking back with this bit of new information it only made sense that what they'd been told was a cover up. "I think he did go through with it but failed. Osomatsu nii san was also acting strange around that time. He'd been leaving for hours on end too. I think he knew. . ."

Choromatsu's eyes went wide at Todomatsu's words. "I. . .I found this book in Osomatsu nii sans dresser drawer." He'd go on to admit. It was solid proof Osomatsu had to have known. Other wise, why would he have the book? The only question the four of them had in the end was why they weren't told?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontation.

A tense atmosphere lingered over the dinner table. All six Matsuno brothers sat together with food in front of them yet none of them partook in their meals. They'd pick and prode at most. Some had yet to even touch their plates. Among the six of them it was Osomatsu who would break the ice.

"What's this all about?" Obviously there was something wrong. This table was barely quiet during dinner. Whether it'd be bickering, laughing, or just simple conversation, there was always an abundance of noise. "Choromatsu," Osomatsu's eyes darted over to the third son who shuttered a tad at his name being called. "you've been here all day right? So, what's going on? Why is the atmosphere so dense?" 

 

"W-Why?" Choromatsu repeated. He wasn't sure what to tell him. He didn't know where to begin. He knew as the third eldest he should be taking charge but this was such a sensitive subject. Osomatsu and Karamatsu came before him in the heirarchy. He'd never had to hold such responsibility before with them being first and second born. He hardly ever was given the opportunity to be in charge. Normally he'd be all about taking the lead. But now that it fell on him he didn't know what to do. His fingers dug into the front of his pants, unnerved by Osomatsu's stare.

"Brother," Karamatsu rang in. "let them go at their own pace. I'm sure with patience they will tell us."

"You're one to talk, Kusomatsu. . ." Ichimatsu said in a low tone.

 

"E . .excuse me?" Karamatsu was confused. 

 

"Nii-san. . ." Jyushimatsu cautioned, looking to Ichimatsu with worry.

Ichimatsu didn't hesitate though to take the book and envelope from his hoodie pocket, throwing it in the middle of the table with a loud slap. 

"Go at our own pace?" Ichimatsu growled. "Should we really be taking advice from you when you didn't even intend on telling us about this?"

"Ichimatsu, where did you get that?" Osomatsu questioned. 

"Choromatsu nii-san found it in your dresser drawer. You were covering for him. What about all that shit you spouted about no secrets, huh?!" Ichimatsu stood up from his seat, fist slamming on the table as he pointed to Osomatsu angrily. "You kept this hidden from us. Both of you!" 

"Ichimatsu, just calm down." Osomatsu tried but Ichimatsu wasn't having it.

"Calm down!? As if I would when I was lied to for MONTHS! You two lied to all of us! Especially you!" It was Karamatsu's turn, the male shuttering as the finger was pointed at him. 

His eyes had been fixated on the book with a look of shock, as if he'd seen a ghost. His face had paled and he was trembling slightly. He hadn't expected to ever see this book again. He thought it was gone. . .But there it was, right in front of him. Taunting him. Bringing back those memories he didn't want to think about. The blue hooded Matsuno slowly looked up to meet Ichimatsu's enraged gaze with his own anxious one. In an instant he forgot everything that his therapist had taught him, the progress going down the drain.

"Don't you have anything to say!?" Ichimatsu yelled. 

"Ichimatsu nii-san, please calm down!" Todomatsu called in hopes he would, but, no use.

"Are you too good to say anything!? To even defend yourself?!" Ichimatsu would reach out and grab Karamatsu by the front of his hoodie, dragging him half way across the table.

Choromatsu was as quick to try and pry the two apart as Osomatsu was, Choro taking hold of Ichimatsu's waist while Osomatsu held onto Kara, trying his best to remove Ichimatsu's hands. 

"Let go, Ichimatsu!" Osomatsu yelled.

"I'm not letting go till this bastard explains himself!" Ichimatsu hollered back. 

In the end Jyushimatsu was a big help, separating the two by aiding Choromatsu with his pulling. Choromatsu and Jyushimatsu held firmly onto Ichimatsu while Karamatsu and Osomatsu were sent flying into the floor from the release. 

"Let me go!" Ichimatsu yelled, struggling to break free from both Jyushimatsu and Choromatsu. 

"Are you okay?" Osomatsu asked Karamatsu helping him sit up properly. 

Instead of a verbal response Osomatsu was ignored while Karamatsu stumbled to his feet with desperation.

"Oi, Karamatsu! Wait!" Osomatsu reached out, panicking when he realized what Karamatsu was trying to do. "You can't leave, get back here!"

He'd grab his brother but to no avail, Karamatsu strategically slipping out of his grip and towards the door. The blue hooded son gripped it's handle, flinging it open.

"N-Nii-san!" Todomatsu yelled, the youngest giving chase as well. 

"Stay away!" Karamatsu warned. "Don't come after me! J-Just leave me be!" 

"But nii-sa-"

"No!" Karamatsu covered his ears. "Please, my brothers," he directed to both Todomatsu and Osomatsu. "do not come after me. I need to be alone. . .Please just let me be by myself!"

"Stop running away! Can't you just rely on us!?" Todomatsu yelled.

"Karamatsu, you can't go, it's not safe when you're like this!" Osomatsu tried.

But their words did not reach Karamatsu before the second son darted out into the night, leaving the house with that same tense atmosphere, if not worse.


	9. Chapter 9

The house was rather quiet as rain pitter pattered against their window. The tension was still thick in the air as the brothers tried to recompose themselves. It was proving extremely difficult of course. Ichimatsu was still angry. Choromatsu was shaken up, dripping with guilt for having snooped. Jyushimatsu was confused, pretty shaken up as well. Then there was Todomatsu.

"Why did you do that?" The pink clad brother asked the fourth son who had claimed the corner of the room as his dark aura'd domain. "Why did you snap at him? You didn't have to do that."

Ichimatsu stayed quiet, biting his tongue as he looked out the window to the dark sky and the droplets streaming down the glass. 

"You knew he wasn't okay so what made you think saying any of THAT would be okay?" Todomatsu scolded without refrain.

"Todomatsu," Choromatsu tried but to no avail.

"I know you two don't get along but couldn't you have been at least a little understanding for one second?"

"Totty. . ." Jyushimatsu tried this time, not wanting another fight to break out. 

"How could you run him off like that knowing he could do something bad again!?" Todomatsu slams his hand against the table, his anger steaming out of his mouth and spewing it at Ichimatsu.

Ichimatsu never utters a word though. He simply continues to look out the window, the clock ticking by. 

"Where's Osomatsu nii-san?" Jyushimatsu questioned.

"He said he's getting ready." Choromatsu replied sullenly.

"For what?"

"To go look for Karamatsu. . ."

"Shouldn't we also go?" Todomatsu asked. 

"No." The reply came from the mouth of Osomatsu this time. He was equipped with a packpack that held a flashlight, umbrella and first aid kit as well as a blanket. He was trying to be ready for anything. He hoped he wasn't going to see something bad though. "Stay here. He's my responsibility so I'll look for him."

"He's our brother too you know." Todomatsu snapped. "You aren't the only one who should be looking out for him."

"I'm the oldest, Todomatsu. I have to." He'd say.

"By a few seconds before the rest of us so what does that matter!?" 

"It matters." 

"But we should help! We CAN help, we-"

"Todomatsu!" Osomatsu firmly interrupted, raising his voice. "I. . .I wanted you all to know." He'd admit. "I didn't want this to be a secret. I thought that it would be better for Karamatsu if we could all support him and help him. But Karamatsu didn't want any of you seeing him differently. He didn't want to be treated special or cause anyone concern. THIS was EXACTLY what he didn't want. He's scared. . .I'm scared." His fists balled up, the man feeling a lump in his throat that he forced down every time it'd come up. "I had to keep it a secret. I had to keep an eye on him on my own. I didn't know that he was this way before and it made me think, what if all of you were upset too? I wanted to make your lives happy so none of you would do or go through the same thing as Karamatsu. The pressure that comes with. . .I didn't want any of you to know what that pressure felt like." He bowed his head with defeat. He'd never expressed himself like this in front of his brothers before and doing it now, well, he wasn't sure how to feel. 

"Nii-san. . ." Todomatsu didn't know how to respond. The thing that hadn't changed about his brother was that he was selfish. But this time he was being selfish in a whole other. "You can't just do it all on your own." He'd say. 

Choromatsu agreed, having thought the exact same thing as Todomatsu. "You have to have help sometimes, nii-san or you won't be any better than Karamatsu nii-san was."

Osomatsu turned away, unfortunately too stubborn for his own good. "Please, just stay here. I promise I'll be back quickly."

Before he could even step outside he found himself drawn into the ringing of his cell phone. There on the other line was Karamatsu. It was a quick conversation but one that made him feel a little more at ease when it ended.

"He's at Chibita's." Osomatsu informed. "He said he won't be coming home tonight but he'll be safe there for a little while. Chibita will make sure he doesn't do anything rash." He was Karamatsu's good friend after all. He was still quite worried but he knew Chibita wouldn't allow anything bad to happen on his watch.

Relief from everyone filled the room, even if someone in particular didn't express it. In the end there was nothing that they could do right now. Osomatsu was being stubborn so they couldn't exactly progress either. They all went to bed. . .all except one. Ichimatsu found himself unable to sleep. Rest never came to him. Instead he dressed himself for a walk outside, thinking it'd be able to cool his head a bit.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibita does his best to comfort his friend while Karamatsu is in a dark place. Todomatsu reaches out to his brother with worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who should be the next brother to visit Karamatsu? (everyone except Ichimatsu cuz he's last) Put your votes in now.

Distress. Mind and heart racing with a thousand beats and a thousand thoughts. An expression sullied with turmoil, almost inconsolable. A tone of voice that spoke with an unfamiliar hint of despair. This was Karamatsu's depression. Chibita had seen it a few times now.

Karamatsu would come over in his free time when he wasn't with Osomatsu and they'd talk, spend time together, enjoy one anothers company as friends should. Before the accident they did this as well but this was on a different level. The conversations reached deeper then small talk. The bond grew stronger as the other would share information that he never thought he'd know. Things about the way he'd feel. What made him happy. 

What made him sad. Despite how much he'd convey Chibita could tell that Karamatsu still held quite a lot back. But tonight his wounds were fresh and it seemed as though holding back was something impossible. He answered the door to find his friend on the line of sobbing. He helped him inside and lent Karamatsu his shoulder to weep on. 

Karamatsu's embrace was strong and Chibita related it to how bad he must have been hurt. At first the others explanation was jumbled with his hiccuping voice through the tears. Chibita could barely understand the problem, so, he told Karamatsu to wait till he settled down to say what he needed. After a good cry the blue hoodied Matsu started over.

"They've discovered what I'd done. . ." Karamatsu said lowly. "It would seem as though Choromatsu, Ichimatsu, Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu found my letter to them. The one I wrote before I did what I did. Not only that but they found my notebook. Things I can not even re-read are in that book. I had hoped it was lost but it's reared it's ugly head to torture me." The thing he'd used to vent was now turned against him. 

"Did they react badly?" Chibita questioned, keeping a soothing hand on Karamatsu's back.

"Ichimatsu did. He certainly had a lot to say. Not that what he said wasn't true. . ." Karamatsu's expression deepened with pain. "I can not say about the others. Everything happened so quickly. I'm not sure how they're processing this. I'm afraid of the answer. . ."

"Karamatsu," Chibita felt a tinge in his heart. "I don't think they hate ya' . . ." He was sure that was what was bothering his dear friend.

"I. . .I'm not so sure. I kept such valuable information from them. Information they should have known. But I kept it to myself. I. . ." He stopped himself, laying his head down on the table they sat out. "I'm such a coward." 

"You know that's not true ya' idjit." Chibita voiced. "You're real brave, ya' know? Braver then a lot of folks. To go through all of this and still be pushin. . .well, that's pretty damn commendable don't ya think?"

Karamatsu shrugged, not uttering another word. Chibita frowned.

"I think you're brave, Karamatsu." He'd say in a soft, comforting tone. "I bet those idjit brothers of yours think so too. I think they're just confused. Give it time. Things'll turn around. . ."

_____________________

 

The next morning birthed a bright sun. Karamatsu was up before him, once again back at the table. Chibita would make them breakfast, watching as Karamatsu would poke and prod at his food.

"Come on, ya' gotta eat somthin'." Chibita wagged his chopsticks at Karamatsu like a scolding mother. His words seemed to snap Karamatsu out of his trance like state, giving an apologetic smile. 

"Ah, I apologize. I will not allow the meal you prepared to go to waste." Karamatsu ever so slowly shoveled in some food. Least he was eating something.

Not far into their breakfast they were interrupted by a light knock at the door. A visitor? Chibita didn't get many so he could only imagine who it could be. He hopped out of his seat to answer, finding the youngest Matsu behind it. He looked almost just as tired as Karamatsu, deprived of sleep and peace of mind. 

"Whadd'ya want?"

"Karamatsu. He's here, right?" Todomatsu questioned, looking past Chibita best he could. Couldn't see much though.

"Yeah. I don't think he wants to see anyone right now though." Chibita voiced sternly. 

"Listen, I'm not going to do anything to upset him." Todomatsu defended. "I just want to see him. Talk to him. I-I'm not leaving till I do and I can wait out here all day!" Todomatsu stood his ground.

Chibita tsked. This was true. It wasn't like he could keep Karamatsu hostage or somethin'. Not unless the other was willing. He'd sigh, opening the door a little wider to speak with Todomatsu more properly. "I'll ask 'em if he wants to talk. But ya' gotta respect his boundaries, ya' know? He's fragile right now. . ."

It seemed Todomatsu had no other choice but to agree to these terms. Besides, he didn't want to scare Karamatsu. With a nod of his head Chibita would shut the door, heading back to the table to inquire about the other Matsuno.

"Karamatsu. You kinda have a visitor." He'd say as he'd rub the back of his head.

Visibily Karamatsu tensed up. "A. . A visitor?" 

"It's Todomatsu. He said he wants to talk to ya'. . .I told him you might not wanna', but, he's waiting. What do ya' wanna do?"

This was Karamatsu's decision and Karamatsu looked like he was having a hard time making it. It took quite some time before he agreed to see his brother. 

"I will speak with him outside though. I will not go far."

"Alright. Good luck, Kara boy." Chibita waved off as Karamatsu headed slowly to the door.

Step by step Karamatsu could feel his heart raise higher into his throat. As he gripped the knob he quickly gulped it down before pulling it open. There before him was Todomatsu. He wasn't prepared for this. He didn't expect any of them to come here. Well, maybe Osomatsu, yes. But Todomatsu? For awhile he was silent. Unsure what to say. It was like he was talking to a stranger, to scared to start conversation. Thankfully it was Todomatsu who initiated it.

"Are you okay?" The youngest asked.

Huh?

"Don't give me that dumbfounded look. You heard what I asked!"

"O-Oh, sorry." Karamatsu rubbed the back of his head with embarassment. "I'm doing just fine."

"You haven't. . .you know. . .hurt yourself, have you?"

"No." Karamatsu assured, waving his hands in denial of such a thing. "Chibita has a close eye on me and I have learned better cooping mechanisms instead of that."

Todomatsu let out a small sigh of relief. "I was worried." 

"Todomatsu?" Upon further inspection he could see the exhuastion in the others eyes. The fear. "Have you not slept, brother?" 

"Ah, not much to be honest." Todomatsu admitted. "But I feel like tonight I can sleep a little better knowing you're okay. Do you feel any better?"

"A little. . ."

"You know how he is, Ichimatsu." Todomatsu rolled his eyes. "I don't think he meant it. He'll come around."

"But you should be angry with me!" Karamatsu met his brothers gaze, finding that they probably looked even more so alike then usual. Dark circles. Unkempt hair. Maybe they looked more identical to Ichimatsu. "I-I lied to you. I lied to all of you for months. How could you even come here and bare to look at me, let alone check on my well being!?" Karamatsu didn't understand. He felt himself spirailing, tears pricking his eyes. "Why. . ." He'd betrayed their trust yet here he was, being embraced by Todomatsu who hid his face in the blue hoodied Matsu's chest. 

"I care about you, idiot." Todomatsu muttered as he'd hug tighter onto his brother. "I-I was worried and scared. I-I don't wanna lose you. Is that so hard to understand?"

Karamatsu was lost for words. He didn't think this had such an impact on Todomatsu. On any of them. He could feel the others arms get tighter around his waist. He felt the wetness of tears dirty his hoodie as silent tears streamed down the others face. He'd seen his brother cry crocodile tears before but this? This was no act. He was hesitant at first but soon enough he wrapped his arms around Todomatsu, rubbing his back soothingly as the other bit his lip back from crying, a hiccup escaping him now and then. "I'm sorry." He'd say. "I'm so sorry."

"D-Don't ever do this again! Don't run away, don't leave us in the dark!"

"I'm sorry." He'd continue to say, resting his head on his brothers, hugging him closer to better comfort him. "It won't happen again. Right now I just need some time to myself. I will come home, I promise. Please just do not continue to be upset. I can not stand seeing you cry."

"I'm not c-crying you idiot I-I just got something in my eyes!" A blatant lie, his cracking tone even giving him away.

Karamatsu only smiled. His dearest younger brother, so stubborn and sweet in his own way. "You may continue to use my hoodie then to help you get it out."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choromatsu shares his point of view on how Osomatsu deals with his feelings with the eldest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I was away for so long. Also sorry this chapter is so short. The next chapter will be much longer, no worries~! Let's start things right back up and get us to a good ending~! Please be cooperative as other chapters are to come.

"You're going today. . .right? To see Karamatsu?"

Osomatsu looked over his shoulder, seeing none other then his brother Choromatsu standing in the door way. He was leaned against the side frame, his eyes almost just as sleep deprived and hopeless as Osomatsu's. It had been a week since Karamatsu had run away from the family home. The only one who dared to visit with him at Chibita's was Todomatsu. Their youngest brother would give them info here and there about him when he'd visit but nothing major. 

Karamatsu had asked Todomatsu not to discuss anything too deep with them. Osomatsu, sat on the floor holding a medium sized, blue bag, would sigh, turning back to face the bag.  
"Yep. He really needs this stuff so I called Chibita and told him I'd be over with some things for him." He'd explain as he'd pull the zipper closed on the bag.  
He'd stuffed it with all of Karamatsu's essentials. A change of clothes, his shades, his medication. He had run off without all these important things and stopped communicating with 1/5th of them. He was afraid that without his medication he might go down hill. He didn't know since he wasn't talking to him. 

He wanted to make sure he had them, just in case. He'd throw the bag over his shoulder, standing up and making his way to the door. Choromatsu would block his way, standing firmly, giving off a look similar to their mother when she'd catch them doing wrong. What was Choromatsu's malfunction? 

"What? Got a bone to pick with me today, fappymatsu~?" He'd try to tease. However, it seemed the mood wasn't too catering to his antics today.

"I. . ." Choromatsu stumbled with his words nervously but continued on. "I want to come with you."

Osomatsu rose a brow. Well, it was easy to tell that Choromatsu was concerned. Not just that but he had blamed himself since that day the book had been exposed. After all, he was the one who'd found it. 

"He might tell us to leave. Are you ready for that?" Osomatsu asked. "You have to be ready to take whatever he might throw at us. Rejection, blame, tears. You have to be ready for it. Can you deal with that?" 

Choromatsu seemed to grow extremely silent, averting his eyes. No answer. 

Osomatsu sighed, placing a comforting hand on the others shoulder. "He's unstable. If someone just as unstable as him tries to be around him then how do you think that'll make him feel? I'm not trying to down you. I just. . .it's difficult." A solemn expression overwhelmed his features, the eldest sextuplet knowing this all too well. It was a lot to handle, something he didn't want his brothers to have to expose themselves too. However, this day had come and he had to make sure his brothers know how to deal with this without taking too much backlash. "He could hurt your feelings. You could end up hurting his by accident or accidentally bring up things that make him act out badly. You have to be strong." He'd give his brothers shoulder a comforting squeeze, hoping it'd be enough to soothe his worries. 

"You can do that, right?"

Choromatsu glanced back to his elder brother, meeting those sad eyes with his own. "You haven't been sleeping much, nii-san."

"Nope." He'd chuckle dismally. 

"You haven't eaten much either. You've distanced yourself from us. . .You aren't too strong either, are you?" 

Osomatsu would visiably tense up at the third sons words. "Excuse me?"

"Osomatsu nii-san, you've been trying to be strong on your own all this time but you obviously can't do this on your own. You're asking me if I can do this but you're being a hypocri-!"

He'd dropped the bag, his hand falling from Choromatsu's shoulder. Both hands gripped the third son up by the front of his hoodie, yanking him into the room until he could pin him against the wall. His hands were tight on the gruff of the others hoodie yet they trembled as Choromatsu continued to talk.

"You need people to help you Osomatsu nii-san!" Choromatsu choked out as Osomatsu gripped tighter. "Y-You can't do it all alone!"

"Shut up!" Osomatsu yelled, shaking his brother. "I'm fine! I'm supposed to do this! I'm the eldest! I need to protect you guys!"

"You're being no better then Karamatsu!" 

With those words. .the shaking came to a dead halt. No better then Karamatsu?

"Y-You're keeping your feelings to yourself and handling them on your own. That's not right, Osomatsu nii-san!" Choromatsu reached up, laying his hands on the now quivering ones that still held onto his hoodie. The grip loosened, Osomatsu soon releasing Choromatsu, his arms falling to his side. "Just because you're born a few seconds earlier then the rest of us doesn't mean you have to do it all on your own." He'd comfort his red hooded brother. 

"B-But," Osomatsu began, shaking his head. His body trembled more as he tried his damndest to hold back tears. "I wanted to protect you guys. I wanted to keep you all safe. I failed with Karamatsu, I didn't want to fail with you guys too." He'd lightly sob, finally tears flowing down his cheeks.

Choromatsu reached out to his brother, pulling him into his arms. It had been so long since they'd talked so deeply like this. Hell, Choromatsu couldn't recall any time they'd spoken about these kinds of issues. It was good to finally air them out in the open. "You can rely on us, Osomatsu nii-san. You can rely on me. I'm not all that strong but I can be there to help you be strong. We can help each other and then we can help Karamatsu too. We'll get better, I know we will. I know you're worried about us too. I know you want to be there for us, but, how are we ever going to get better if you set an example like this for us? You're the eldest. You should know better." Choromatsu would lightly scold, that motherly expression returning to him once more as tears claimed his eyes just as they'd claimed Osomatsu's. Their days seemed to be like emotional roller coasters anymore. Roller coasters were no fun to go on by yourself either. They were lonely. Scary. He didn't like being in this roller coaster alone, that was for sure. He didn't want to keep riding it that way either. As much as he wanted to help them and shield them from these painful things, Choromatsu was right. 

It was wrong to do so, especially this way. They'd encounter these things one way or another but it didn't have to be this way. Choromatsu's way sounded much better. Less stressful. Choromatsu. . .maybe he was stronger then him. He was the more mature one out of the six of them after all. "I'm sorry, Choromatsu."

"It's okay. I'm sorry too. . ." 

They'd hold onto each other for a long time, letting the pent up emotions break free until their eyes were dry and their hearts weren't as heavy. Choromatsu picked up the discarded bag, handing it back to his older brother. "Let's get going. We can't keep him waiting forever."

"Yeah, he really needs this stuff. He probably smells bad without a fresh change of clothes." Osomatsu would joke lightly, the two of them walking out side by side.


End file.
